His Garden of Grace
A Letter from One Mom of Gay Children to Another
The debates in the news this week between the church and state and the ensuing mud-slinging on both sides of the gay issue has hurt my heart. I am sure it hurts the heart of God as well.
I am so sorry. I am so very sorry for your pain. That you would be seen as unloving or unkind or un-Christlike in your love for your gay child. That you would be ridiculed and belittled because you choose to hang on to your faithful convictions while loving your child. That people who don’t agree with your choice would bully you with words and try to manipulate you to make you feel like you somehow are failing your gay son or daughter because you are choosing to hold out and put your hope in God. That you have been criticized and told that it is impossible for you to simultaneously “love the sinner and hate the sin”. That you have been made to feel you have to compromise what you see God’s word clearly stating as sin in order to be loving and supportive to your child. That either you embrace the lifestyle and all that means or you are rejecting your child, Shunning and shaming and hurting them and pushing them away from God. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry there are those that say things that somehow make you feel that your child’s sin is somehow your fault. That you are responsible for their choices. Or that their choice is somehow your choice. And that this sin is somehow different from all other sins. That it is somehow more hideous, more grievous, more filthy- maybe even unforgivable.
I am so sorry you have felt judged or abandoned by your church, your friends or even your family because of your childs choice. Or because they didn't know what to say and either said hurtful things, or said nothing at all.
And I am so sorry your child might have chosen to walk away because you chose to stand firm. That he or she embraced a lifestyle that you, no matter how much you may have wanted to, cannot embrace. That he or she chose another family that will support them in their lifestyle and cut you out from the life that you gave them and have guided them through with love and care because you stood your ground, showing grace and mercy without compromise.
My heart grieves with you and for you. I know how much you love and I know how profoundly those words hurt. The pain they cause. They sting and they poke and they grieve. I know. Because I feel it too.
I too have to wake up every day facing the same pain. I too am walking this very hard road. This fine line between feelings and truth.
Sometimes I feel my heart will just break into a million pieces. Sometimes I wish it would just stop beating so I could stop loving. So I could stop this unrelenting pain. I wish I could just embrace and move on. But I can’t. I cannot deny the truth, because the truth is the truth whether I like it or not. So I stay between the rock and the hard place, hidden here just waiting. Waiting for His Glory to pass by. Hoping to see it soon, yet knowing that whatever happens, I am His and He is mine and that my love for my girls-I have 2 gay daughters- is unconditional, unwavering and immovable. It is unstoppable and unrelenting because it is His love at work in me. It is merciful and forgiving. Hopeful and Joyful. It is courageous, Long-suffering and thankful. Ever so thankful. Just like it has always been. Just because they are my children. And because He loves them, can I do any less??
I cannot do this alone. In my own strength. It is too hard. But we have a helper who is ever interceding on our behalves. And He knows how to love through me. It comes from His heart to mine and through me to my girls. We are not alone. And we will not be shaken. We will not be moved.
Keep up the fight of faith, Dear One. He is with you. I AM is with you. You and I are in the trenches, but we are accompanied by the one who holds it all in His very capable hands. He is with you, and He is for you. And He will never abandon you- or your child. He will never leave you and He doesn't change. Even when society does. He is faithful and true. The Lover of your soul. And He is holy. So holy. And life is so short. This breath- this moment on this orb is so short. To short to be in doubt of His love, and to doubt whether or not you love well. Whether or not you can love and still stand firm.
Know Beloved, that you can. That you are. That your choice is the hard one, and that He sees, He knows and He is able. He is able. So don't lose sight. dont lose hope. Dont stop loving and asking and seeking and thanking. He is working. Even if you do not see it, He is doing it. So thank Him. Thank Him every day for allowing you to know Him and joining you to Himself in the fellowship of His sufferings. For allowing you to walk this road that leads to His heart where there is joy unspeakable. Don't stop pursuing. Don't give up or give in. Because if you do, who will be there for them when they fall? Who will speak into their lives? Who will hold out the truth to them? It has to be you. And you can, in His strength, and His love, do this. We can do this. No matter what anyone says. Because in the end, it really doesn't matter what anyone else says. It only matters what He has to say. You don't have to answer to anyone else but Him. So listen to Him and Him alone and block out any voice that would criticize or confuse. You know what to do. Just do it.
This is you offering prayers over all the families and friends who are burdened with not only the issue of homosexuality but any issue(s) (fill in the blank) that have pulled our children away from their faith and turned to the world and its ways.
Your same struggles are echoed by so many and your words are touching and far reaching.